I remember you
I feel like this...a lot today. http://youtu.be/sRY1NG1P_kw
I had just barely caught the last bus last night after a few hours at a net cafe; but had bumped into an old chum who was down on his luck so I spotted him a few-,....and ran like a linebacker lost for the end zone to the bus stop.
As it arrived, it was standing room only...filled with the spilled out leftovers of revelers and ejects and holdouts from the clubs, packed like so many sardines into a bus that made its hour long trek through the 3 districts of whats commonly called the LOWER MAINLAND, which are the various boroughs adjoining Vancouver, Canada into a place called SURREY.
I barely had a few words to mumble to this crowd of young, loud and braying louts and chics with not too much concern with acting lady-like (like fo sho.)
As tired as I was; up without so much as 20 winks for probably 20 hours.
But there ended up a few tense moments as if it were not enough it to be stacked end to end cramped with alcohol prone loud mouths, so as a practical eventuality, the police ended up called in to restore a semblance of civility.
Poor bloke next to me decided he could not hack it anymore and quickly exited. For him, the ride may have been the only hope between a cold night on the streets or a nice warm place to lay but the mere threat of spillover and prospect of mania and panic urged him stronger to leave rather than rooted to stay.
In the end, nothing *REALLY HAPPENED* but it was just no fun really, and not much to even count for relief to wash over me even as I stepped off the bus.
But rolling over here into the glaring sunshine of today, I question my surroundings and feel pent up with all kinds of existential angst, irritability and dissatisfaction with the mocking tone of Facebook half the time, and the thinness of smiles and lack of friendliness even in rl..
...with this ever so thin line between sarcasm and irony,(maybe) and yet a disenchantment with all kinds of worldly wisdom, bright sayings and clever wordology showing up in my feed..as if it were nothing but a gum dispenser (5 cents)....
so maybe I just dont want to live in a bubble ...with gobs of insulation...llittle smacky , snarky bits of insinuated prepackaged clap trap ringing in my ears... while practically shunning the up close and real portents of the world or marveling at sights and wonders ensconsed entirely within 16 whole inches of screen..
Still waters run deep and my heart is as active as a tornado in a storm but still rooted in one spot all the time...making a hole on the spot.
I see crowds of people of every nationality here, many contributing to the cacophony with their own languages and tongues, transplanted cultures or unmistakeable marks or vestiges of their DNA embedded ethnicity,
and as I do I cant help but think of the "raw deal" handed on a silver platter to the natives of this country, OUR country and suddenly it does not feel like home anymore.
So maybe as the sun wanes and the clouds inevitably arrive to even the score, in between that time I will figure out whats ailing me , or what it is pinching my nerves and then put wealth consciousness somewhere like back where it belongs ...not thrown out like a bad overly pummeled thing...and either find something to do with all the easily recyclable goodies stacked in my closet or barring that find a new well spring of happiness or invent one or change things to suit my self more.
But if there is even anti-commercialism air deep in Facebook, it begins to cave in as it cannot run on fumes and air, but nor does it feel like a place to be as an oh so simple tool for blatant self-promotion or vaunted self-centeredness or vain glorous pursuits....
which seems to stir up envy, jealousy, rivalry , contentions and pushes real feelings, as much as part of the real, living, breathing, human experience as anything...to suffer below the surface.
I do not "fear" Facebook will fall like a fad as much as the inevitable disappointment it will bring that its expectations wont be fulfilled as they are too high for the Net to accommodate.
It cannot be counter culture nor can it rise to release itself from corporate bonds.
OK so thats my ramble of the moment, cue mic off and no I have no smoke in my hand but perhaps a off line creative endeavor of some proportion more than a status update will at least quiet this soul stirring.
Off rolling now into the last of the day, searching back for my own <3 and my hands balled into fists. ..making sure the suns light bounces off my exposed biceps in just the right way. And now just to end this little alleyway scrawl...Id like to end it by saying...thank you but if you didnt mind, Id kindly like my fuckeeng MTV. lol
Posted by mach1231
at 7:04 PM PDT